While you cannot control the person with Alzheimer’s, you can control your approach to the situations you face in dementia caregiving. To be the rock in your loved one’s crumbling world, you need your own firm foundations of physical and mental well-being.
In her e-book, “Mindfulness Support For Alzheimer’s Caregivers,” Dr. Gail Gazelle, Harvard Medical School, gives caregivers tools to “reframe their mental approach to caregiving and manage reactions to daily challenges. This book is about how to adjust the lens through which you look at yourself…and the world around you. Greater discernment over your internal thoughts and feelings will help you be more compassionate,” explains Dr. Gazelle.
This short book is structured into 52 readings, one for each week, and an exercise, which most often takes 15 minutes to do. Dr. Gazelle suggests using a journal to track progress of developing your ability to be present and to treat yourself with greater acceptance. Here are summaries of a few readings and exercises.
Gratitude: Your caregiving role may have you thinking there are few reasons to be grateful. Gratitude is important because research tells us grateful people are generally happier, less stressed, and more optimistic. Gratitude helps us be more generous to others and more satisfied with what we do have. Practice: Each day this week, notice three small things you are grateful for, such as a warm bed or dinner. Consider the three things as you’re going to sleep each night. Write a letter of gratitude to someone, even if you don’t send it.
Change: If you’ve always been a “take charge, in control” person, the changes that come with dementia can be very hard to accept. The changes in you, your loved one, and life as you know it can add up to a very upsetting total. Accepting change as a part of life will ease your situation. Practice: What are the hardest things to accept about Alzheimer’s? Identify 3 and choose one to work on accepting. Journal about the ways your thinking and acting will be different, once you have accepted this element. You might find new solutions or a new lightness, once you begin to accept.
Laughter: Laughter can change the way we see a situation and help dissolve tension. It can certainly help you face the issues of Alzheimer’s. If you can help your care recipient laugh, it can even ease her agitation. Practice: Think of three ways to introduce more laughter into your life and try one every day this week. (Example: watch a funny movie, read jokes, or act goofy; consider doing these with your loved one.)
Dr. G. covers 49 other topics, including anger, the [Alzheimer’s] roller coaster, asking for help and wandering.
Over and over, I have seen the most capable caregivers are calm and resourceful people. This is true whether they are professionals or family caregivers. They call on mental skills and foster calmness within themselves. Understanding they cannot change or control the person for whom they are caring, they control their own thoughts and reactions. If you already do this, well done. If you are mentally exhausted, feel guilty, angry, and believe no one can help you, please give Dr. Gazelle’s tools a try.
Lee Nyberg seeks to serve others through education about Alzheimer’s and her senior care company, Home Care Assistance.
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