This post is part of Stress-Less Parenting Club's new workshop.[1] Our leader Carla Naumburg[2] is showing us how we can make our family life calmer and happier through mindful parenting.


So far in this workshop, we've talked about what mindful parenting is -- the ability to tune in to what is actually going on with you and your kids so you can respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting impulsively -- and some of the myths about mindful parenting.


Now we’re going to dive into how to actually be more present and connected in our daily lives. The trick to mindfulness is to practice it when it’s easy so that we can actually use those skills to calm down and find our grounding when things get really chaotic. We’ll talk more about meditation, yoga, and other formal mindfulness practices next week, but for now we’re going to focus on informal mindfulness practices.


I’m talking about brief periods of time each day when we can focus on our breathing, the smell of our coffee, or the sound of the phone ringing. As we start to develop the habit of paying attention even when we are bored (sitting in traffic) or annoyed (another phone call from that person we’ve been avoiding), it will become easier to stay grounded and focused when our kids are whining or nagging.


The power of mindfulness exists in that moment -- when we can respond to what is actually happening, as opposed to reacting to whatever is going on in our regretful, anxious, frustrated, over-active brains.


Here are some tips for incorporating mindfulness in your everyday life:


In the morning: Pick one aspect of your morning routine, and try to pay complete attention to it. Don’t do anything else. When you’re drinking your coffee, notice the feeling of the mug in your hand, the rising steam, and how good it tastes. If you are tempted to check your phone or make a to-do list, notice those thoughts for what they are -- just thoughts -- and then go back to your coffee. (You can also do this in the shower or while brushing your teeth.)


While you exercise: Instead of zoning out to a podcast or TV show, ditch your headphones for a few minutes. You can choose to pay attention to your breathing, the sensations on your body, or the feeling of your foot hitting the ground. When your mind wanders, as it will, bring it back. Yes, I know, it’s boring. That’s the point -- learning to stay present even when it’s mind-numbing.


In communication: Before you starting writing that email or pick up the phone, take a few deep breaths. That will give you enough time and mental space to decide if and how you want to respond to whomever at that particular moment. I often realize that I am too tired or grumpy to have a civil interaction, and it’s better for everyone if I get back to them later.


Sitting in traffic: The next time you find your hands tightening or your voice rising while you’re sitting in traffic, focus on your breath instead of tensing up. Notice the feeling of air moving in and out of your nostrils, or the rising and falling of your belly. It might not get you moving any faster, but it will make the trip a lot less frustrating.


Anytime you need to: When things get hectic, try to STOP and/or STAY. Both of these activities are about reminding yourself to pause and breathe before you act. Pick one that speaks to you and that you are more likely to remember in a hectic moment.



  • STOP: Stop, Take a Breath, Observe, and Proceed

    This one is pretty straightforward. When life gets crazy, stop for a minute to breathe and observe what is happening with you and your kids. When you’ve had a chance to calm down, then you can proceed in a more thoughtful way.

  • STAY: Stop, Take a Breath, Attune, and Yield

    This exercise is about learning to accept whatever is happening instead of fighting it. As you stop and breathe, take a minute to check in -- attune -- with what is happening, and then yield to it. I like imagining myself yielding when I merge on to the highway. I can either charge ahead without looking first, or I can take a moment to pay attention to where the cars are and how fast they’re going before I proceed. I can’t change the flow of traffic, but I’m much more likely to merge safely if I yield first.


THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE

1. Pick one activity each day to practice mindfully. You can use one of the suggestions above, or choose something else.


2. Write either STOP or STAY on a few sticky notes and post them in your kitchen, playroom, or wherever you are most likely to need the reminder. When things get chaotic or you notice your stress level rising, stop, take a breath, and find your grounding before you lose your cool.



Haven't joined our Stress-Less Parenting Club yet? Go to the purple box on the right side of this page to sign up and receive our weekly newsletter.


Learn more about Carla Naumburg at her website, or check her out on Facebook or Twitter.[3] [4] [5]



Also on HuffPost:


20 Reasons To Love Meditation

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  • It Lowers Stress -- Literally


    Research published just last month in the journal Health Psychology shows that mindfulness is not only associated with feeling less stressed, it's also linked with <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/31/mindfulness-meditation-cortisol-stress-levels_n_2965197.html" target="_blank">decreased levels of the stress hormone cortisol</a>.




  • It Lets Us Get To Know Our True Selves


    It lets us get to know our true selves. Mindfulness can help us see beyond those rose-colored glasses when we need to really <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/19/mindfulness-understand-personalities_n_2886102.html" target="_blank">objectively analyze ourselves</a>. A study in the journal Psychological Science shows that mindfulness can help us conquer common "blind spots," which can amplify or diminish our own flaws beyond reality.




  • It Can Make Your Grades Better


    Researchers from the University of California, Santa Barbara, found that college students <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/27/mindfulness-testing-focus-reading-comprehension_n_2957146.html" target="_blank">who were trained in mindfulness</a> performed better on the verbal reasoning section of the GRE, and also experienced improvements in their working memory. "Our results suggest that cultivating mindfulness is an effective and efficient technique for improving cognitive function, with widereaching consequences," the researchers wrote in the Psychological Science study.




  • It Could Help Our Troops


    The U.S. Marine Corps is in the process of seeing how mindfulness meditation training can improve troops' performance and <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/22/marine-corps-mindfulness-meditation_n_2526244.html" target="_blank">ability to handle -- and recover from -- stress</a>.




  • It Could Help People With Arthritis


    A 2011 study in the journal Annals of Rheumatic Disease shows that even though mindfulness training may not help to lessen pain for people with rheumatoid arthritis, it <em>could</em> help to <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/28/mindfulness-meditation-rheumatoid-arthritis_n_1171685.html" target="_blank">lower their stress and fatigue</a>.




  • It Changes The Brain In A Protective Way


    University of Oregon researchers found that integrative body-mind training -- which is a meditation technique -- can actually result in brain changes that may be protective against mental illness. The meditation practice was linked with <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/15/mindfulness-meditation-brain-integrative-body-mind-training_n_1594803.html" target="_blank">increased signaling connections in the brain</a>, something called axonal density, as well as increased protective tissue (myelin) around the axons in the anterior cingulate brain region.




  • It Works As The Brain's "Volume Knob"


    Ever wondered why mindfulness meditation can make you feel more focused and zen? It's because it helps the brain to have <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/14/mindfulness-meditation-brain_n_2680087.html" target="_blank">better control over processing pain and emotions</a>, specifically through the control of cortical alpha rhythms (which play a role in what senses our minds are attentive to), according to a study in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience.




  • It Makes Music Sound Better


    Mindfulness meditation improves our <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/06/mindfulness-meditation-music-engagement_n_2623292.html" target="_blank">focused engagement in music</a>, helping us to truly enjoy and experience what we're listening to, according to a study in the journal Psychology of Music.




  • It Helps Us Even When We're Not Actively Practicing It


    You don't have to actually be meditating for it to still <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/15/meditation-emotional-processing-emotions-brain_n_2123753.html" target="_blank">benefit your brain's emotional processing</a>. That's the finding of a study in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, which shows that the amygdala brain region's response to emotional stimuli is changed by meditation, and this effect occurs even when a person isn't actively meditating.




  • It Has Four Elements That Help Us In Different Ways


    The health benefits of mindfulness can be boiled <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/02/mindfulness-meditation-health_n_1070101.html#slide=309243" target="_blank">down to four elements</a>, according to a Perspectives on Psychological Science study: body awareness, self-awareness, regulation of emotion and regulation of attention.




  • It Could Help Your Doctor Be Better At His/Her Job


    Doctors, listen up: Mindfulness meditation could help you <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/01/mindfulness-meditation-doctors_n_1456870.html" target="_blank">better care for your patients</a>. Research from the University of Rochester Medical Center shows that doctors who are trained in mindfulness meditation are less judgmental, more self-aware and better listeners when it comes to interacting with patients




  • It Makes You A Better Person


    Sure, we love all the things meditation does for us. But it could also benefit people we interact with, by <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/02/meditation-compassion-do-good_n_2993793.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living" target="_blank">making us more compassionate</a>, according to a study in the journal Psychological Science. Researchers from Northeastern and Harvard universities found that meditation is linked with more virtuous, "do-good" behavior.




  • It Could Make Going Through Cancer Just A Little Less Stressful


    Research from the Jefferson-Myrna Brind Center of Integrative Medicine shows that <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/02/art-mindfulness-stress-relief-breast-cancer-patients_n_2219268.html" target="_blank">mindfulness coupled with art therapy</a> can successfully decrease stress symptoms among women with breast cancer. And not only that, but imaging tests show that it is actually linked with brain changes related to stress, emotions and reward.




  • It Could Help The Elderly Feel Less Lonely


    Loneliness among seniors can be dangerous, in that it's known to raise risks for a number of health conditions. But researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles, found that mindfulness meditation helped to <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/29/mindfulness-meditation-loneliness-elderly_n_1702112.html" target="_blank">decrease these feelings of loneliness</a> among the elderly, <em>and</em> boost their health by reducing the expression of genes linked with inflammation.




  • It Could Make Your Health Care Bill A Little Lower


    Not only will your health benefit from mindfulness meditation training, but your wallet might, too. Research in the American Journal of Health Promotion shows that <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21879945" target="_blank">practicing Transcendental Meditation</a> is linked with lower yearly doctor costs, compared with people who don't practice the meditation technique.




  • It Comes In Handy During Cold Season


    Aside from <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/15/cold-flu-prevention-natural-immune-boosters_n_2474430.html" target="_blank">practicing good hygiene</a>, mindfulness meditation and exercise could l<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/14/meditation-flu-cold-symptoms-mindfulness-exercise_n_1671543.html" target="_blank">essen the nasty effects of colds</a>. Researchers from the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Health found that people who engage in the practices miss fewer days of work from acute respiratory infections, and also experience a shortened duration and severity of symptoms.




  • It Lowers Depression Risk Among Pregnant Women


    As many as one in five pregnant women will experience depression, but those who are at <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/12/mindfulness-yoga-depression-pregnancy_n_1760207.html" target="_blank">especially high risk for depression</a> may benefit from some mindfulness yoga. "Research on the impact of mindfulness yoga on pregnant women is limited but encouraging," study researcher Dr. Maria Muzik, M.D., an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan, said in a statement. "This study builds the foundation for further research on how yoga may lead to an empowered and positive feeling toward pregnancy."




  • It Also Lowers Depression Risk Among Teens


    Teaching teens how to <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/15/mindfulness-in-schools-re_n_2884436.html" target="_blank">practice mindfulness through school programs</a> could help them experience less stress, anxiety and depression, according to a study from the University of Leuven.




  • It Supports Your Weight-Loss Goals


    Trying to shed a few pounds to get to a healthier weight? Mindfulness could be your best friend, according to a survey of psychologists conducted by Consumer Reports and the American Psychological Association. Mindfulness training was considered an "excellent" or "good" <a href="http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine/2013/02/lose-weight-your-way/index.htm" target="_blank">strategy for weight loss</a> by seven out of 10 psychologists in the survey.




  • It Helps You Seep Better


    We saved the best for last! A University of Utah study found that mindfulness training can not only help us better control our emotions and moods, but it can <em>also</em> help us sleep better at night. “People who reported higher levels of mindfulness described better control over their emotions and behaviors during the day. In addition, higher mindfulness was <a href="http://huffingtonpost.menshealthmags.com/2013/03/11/mindfulness-emotional-stability-sleep_n_2836954.html" target="_blank">associated with lower activation at bedtime</a>, which could have benefits for sleep quality and future ability to manage stress," study researcher Holly Rau said in a statement.




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