The world has plenty of ways to bring you down. Don't add your own.


By Amy Shearn


1. Apologizing For Being Sorry

I know you think you're being polite and sparing people some sort of discomfort, but sometimes there's simply nothing for which you must apologize; or, worse, the apology only calls attention to a crime so slight no one would have noticed otherwise. It's not really courteous. It's actually kind of irritating, and, I'm sorry, but if you're one of those over-apologizers, you just really need to stop.


2. Sloth-Inducing Sneakers

For a while I was running. A little bit, then a little more, then actually a respectable distance, a few mornings a week. Then I stopped. I wasn't sure why I stopped, and I didn't investigate the question for hidden meaning. But after complaining to a marathoner friend about how running had made my feet hurt, she said, "You know, you probably just need better shoes." Turns out, if you're under 80 years old and 15 minutes of glorified speed-walking makes your arches ache, all you need to do is buy a pair of well-fitted sneakers. Who knew? Actually, everyone. Of all the many excuses not to get into shape (I can think of so many, including: bad weather, not having the time, the existence of pie), the wrong equipment is a particularly lame and self-defeating one.


3. You Don't Know How To Answer The Question, "If I Were To Give You Any Job In The World, What Would You Want To Do?"

It's corny but it's also true that this catchy musical number is essentially the best career advice ever given by people in swimsuits. Right? How else are you gonna make a dream come true?


4. Using The Beige (When You're A Warm Beige)

We would never suggest that something so superficial as makeup, or the lack thereof, might hold some secret power over your fate. But we all know that when you're more comfortable in your skin, you feel better in general, more you. The thing that makes those makeover shows so fascinating is the moment when the subjects see how much better they can feel: "That foundation in the wrong tint was making me look older!" "That dark lip liner did look unnatural!" Ask that tell-it-like-it-is friend -- you know you have one -- to tell you like it is.


5. Doing An Exceptional 75 Percent

You've dutifully discovered your strengths.[1] You've, wonderfully, found a job that caters 75 percent to said strengths. As for your weaknesses, well, psshh, someone else can surely deal with that 25 percent of your job. Dealing with invoices can go to a numbers-minded intern, right? Communicating with the overseas office, where they perversely insist on email while you do so much better on the phone? Someone else will surely pick up your slack, n'est-ce pas? And then eventually you'd be promoted to the next-up position, which would 100 percent cater to your strengths. The problem is, people actually notice and, without realizing it, you're getting a reputation for being a 75-percenter. And let's face it, who wants to promote a 75-percenter?



6. Hate-Watching "The Bachelor"

One thing I have gleaned from Twitter is that many people watch a program on Monday nights called "The Bachelor," which is apparently populated by characters that inspire no small degree of frustration. Unless you actually enjoy feeling that frustration, may I suggest, dear watchers, choosing a show that creates a feeling of happiness rather than disdain?


7. Shrugging More Than Speaking

Unless you are 13 years old, shrugging is not an answer. Do you want to go to the happy hour with all your coworkers or not? Did you really think the latest Superman movie was a little boring or not? How short do you want the hairdresser to cut your bangs? You have an opinion on these things. You have a right to that opinion. Stand up straight, make eye contact and respond in a grown-up sentence. And for the record, “sure” is just a texted shrug.


8. Forgetting To Take A Coffee Break

Burnout is, for many of us, practically our resting state. But if you're staring at the screen, trying to get those last (million) things done before you stop even though your brain is fried, consider the old-fashioned concept of taking a break. We mean the kind of break where you actually stand up and move away from the computer, walk around, or go to the gym, or take a -- gasp -- nap. Coming to work when you're sick, staying past dinner, blinking exhaustedly at the spreadsheet for more hours than anyone -- these things don't impress your coworkers and boss as much as doing the best work possible. Which you can't do if you're totally burnt out.


9. Making Shy Eyes At Singles Mixers

Here's what's almost enough: Getting yourself to the NPR-sponsored speed-dating mixer thing that is full of smart, good-looking, like-minded, creative singles; wearing the most perfectly flattering outfit of all time; having just enough house chardonnay to feel relaxed but not lugubrious. But if you don't actually talk to the man in the corduroy blazer who is clearly meant to be the father of your children? Well, that's the difference between almost enough and the house with the white picket fence you and that guy buy together.


Amy Shearn is the author of "The Mermaid of Brooklyn: A Novel[2] "




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Earlier on HuffPost OWN: Decision-Making Strategies Of The Uber-Successful




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  • Throw Yourself a Red Herring


    Two minutes -- that’s how long to distract yourself when mulling over your options. It worked for <a href="http://scienceblog.com/59688/unconscious-processing-improves-decision-making/" target="_blank">decision makers in a Carnegie Mellon study</a> who went on to make better choices -- picking the best car in a set, for instance -- after being sidetracked by a brief number-sequence-memorizing exercise. (Any light two-minute diversion -- poetry recitation, music, even Angry Birds -- may do.) Brain scans revealed that while the conscious mind focuses on the distraction, the unconscious mind continues to weigh options. The tiny break may freshen your perspective and prevent overthinking, which leads to bad choices.




  • Remember Those Kegels


    Drink five cups of water before making a big decision, then hold it in for at least 45 minutes. <a href="https://lirias.kuleuven.be/bitstream/123456789/327544/1/2011-12-05+-+tuk-trampe-warlop-PSc-2011.pdf" target="_blank">If you can resist a bathroom break, you might make better, less impulsive decisions than if you had an empty bladder</a> -- just like the volunteers in a study at the University of Twente. The explanation: The effort triggers an “unintentional increase” in control in other areas, including impulse control, which leads to less-hasty decisions. (Oddly, even thinking about words such as <i>urine</i>, <i>toilet</i> and <i>bladder</i> triggered the same impulse-inhibiting effect.)




  • Restrain Yourself to 7 Shades of Gray


    Limit your options (for an apartment, toilet paper, anything) to <i>seven</i>, tops -- the average number of units most of us can juggle in working memory. Add more and you'll feel paralyzed --<a href="http://www.psych.utoronto.ca/users/peterson/psy430s2001/Miller%20GA%20Magical%20Seven%20Psych%20Review%201955.pdf" target="_blank"> like those now-famous study participants who were asked to choose between six types of jam versus 24</a> (30 versus 3 percent bought a jar), <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/too-many-choices-are-bad-for-business-2012-12#the-more-funds-that-were-offered-in-a-plan-the-fewer-people-participated-4" target="_blank">investment funds</a> (more options, less participation) and <a href="http://rsbl.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/early/2011/02/24/rsbl.2011.0098.abstract" target="_blank">speed dates</a> (too many was a turnoff). In choice-overload mode, <a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/03/130325093709.htm" target="_blank">decisions made are also <i>riskier</i></a>, finds a gambling study at the University of Warwick -- because information-gathering skills weaken and we lose our sense of probability.




  • Let Out the Gas


    Open a window. Go for a walk. Even a <i>tiny</i> increase in indoor levels of carbon dioxide gas (C02) -- exhaled by each of us in every breath -- impairs decision making, found a study published in <i>Environmental Health Perspectives</i>. Volunteers in a role-playing exercise made moderately <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23008272" target="_blank">worse decisions when CO2 levels were 1,000 ppm</a> (an average crowded room) and dramatically worse ones at 2,500 ppm (a stuffier room in which we might smell others), while outdoor levels are about 350 ppm. Note: The more people in a space, the higher the CO2, which casts some doubt on whether we make our best decisions in meeting rooms. (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Indoor-Air-Quality-Meter-Temperature/dp/B001PDGFR8/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1370457849&sr=8-3&keywords=carbon+dioxide+meter" target="_blank">CO2 meters cost $200 or less online</a>.)




  • Do What You’d Do Before Buying a Blender


    Base your decision (at least partly) on the opinions (and yes, wisdom) of in-the-know strangers -- just as you would when Googling a sushi spot, says Chip and Dan Heath in their guide, <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Decisive-Make-Better-Choices-Life/dp/0307956393" target="_blank">Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work</a></i>. For instance, if you’re deciding whether to accept a job, consult with people who have held that position there. Or, before you make a <i>Great Gatsby</i>–inspired relocation, find out what locals say about life on Long Island. Most of us don’t seek it, but the outside view -- “how things generally unfold in situations like ours” -- is usually more accurate than a gut feeling. (The rare exception: intuition based on lots of clear feedback in a predictable environment -- like chess or a video game.)




  • Apply “One-Stop Shopping”


    Consider all your options at once (simultaneously) rather than one by one (sequentially), says Sheena Iyengar in <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Choosing-Sheena-Iyengar/dp/0446504114/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1370624243&sr=1-1" target="_blank">The Art of Choosing</a></i>. In one example, her research team asked judges to pick their favorite of five chocolates. Those who saw their options all at once were more satisfied with their choice than those who tasted them one at a time -- they never knew what was coming and always hoped for better. The lesson (which applies to sandals, red wine, online-dating profiles, almost anything): Make a decision with <i>all</i> your options in front of you -- “one-stop shopping” -- and, at least for now, don’t dwell on what else could possibly trump them.




  • Push Your Fast-Forward Buttons


    <a href="http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Suzy-Welchs-Rule-of-10-10-10-Decision-Making-Guide" target="_blank">Think through each option and its consequences</a> <i>10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years</i> down the road. This way, says Suzy Welch in her book <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/10-10-10-Life-Transforming-Idea-Suzy-Welch/dp/1416591826" target="_blank">The 10-10-10 Rule</a></i>, you’ll gain emotional distance, or “deliberation where there is only instinct.” Stay in your flawed relationship or leave it? Have another baby? Eat a cheeseburger? Compare the implications with your innermost values, dreams and goals, Welch writes. Then ask yourself the burning question: “Which decision will best help me create a life of my own making?”




  • Allow Your Inner Scrooge to Weigh In


    If you want good decisions to become <i>default</i> decisions (to exercise, eat better, enlighten yourself, anything), consider “sunk costs” -- money spent that you can’t get back, advises the Harvard philosopher Robert Nozick in his book <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Rationality-Robert-Nozick/dp/0691020965" target="_blank">The Nature of Rationality</a></i>. For instance, buy a use-it-or-lose-it yoga class pack, prepaid weekly deliveries of organic veggies or -- Nozick’s example -- season opera tickets. Your aversion to losing money helps you follow through on your best self’s intentions -- even on lazy, down days when you’d normally choose otherwise.