Tom Stocky works at Facebook, where new fathers get up to four months of paternity leave[1] . He took his, and then went back to work on Monday.


So, Sunday night he did what people who work at Facebook (and millions who don’t) often do -- he wrote about his life event on the site, a long essay about what he learned from being home full-time with his daughter.
 [2]

A lot, it turns out. That it was harder, physically, than he thought it would be. That with practice he got darn good at it. That he missed his old job ... but didn’t. And that our society treats men who are home with babies very differently than it treats women.


“What I never got used to,” he wrote, “... was the double-standard for fathers when it comes to childcare. I experienced it predominantly in three forms: (1) low expectations for fathers, (2) negative perceptions of working mothers, and (3) negative perceptions of 'non-working' fathers."


His experience -- being looked at suspiciously at the playground, being excluded from clubs like “Mothers Offer Mothers Support” (MOMS) -- is not likely to change, he says, until fathers are no longer just four percent of stay-at-home parents. And that’s not likely to change until more companies offer men parental leave that is the same as that offered to women -- and until men actually take that leave.


Among the first to comment on Stoky’s post was the COO of his company -- whose book, Lean In, Stoky read while he was on leave. “This is so important for all of us -- fathers and mothers to understand,” wrote Sheryl Sandberg. “You have done a great service to the world -- both by caring for your daughter and by sharing this experience.”


You can watch Stocky tell "Good Morning America"[3] about what he learned above. And use the comments to discuss how the decision to take parental leave is different for men and women.





From the 2012 "Dads Expect Better" Report:[4]


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  • Washington, D.C , 70 Points


    D.C.'s laws include six of seven possible policies to help new fathers and mothers by expanding FMLA access to workers in smaller businesses and those with less time on the job and offering a longer period of FMLA leave. D.C. also enacted the nation's second paid sick leave law.




  • Connecticut, 60 Points


    Connecticut's laws include five of seven possible policies to help new fathers and mothers. Among these policies, Connecticut enacted the nation's first statewide paid sick leave law.




  • New Jersey, 60 Points


    New Jersey created the nation's second family leave insurance program and also provides unpaid, job-protected leave to workers with less time on the job prior to needing leave.




  • California, 55 Points


    California created the nation's first family leave insurance law and permits workers to take unpaid family leave to care for the child of a domestic partner. California also guarantees "flexible" use of sick leave to allow workers who earn sick leave through their employers to use that leave to care for an ill child or spouse.




  • Maine, 45 Points


    Maine's family leave law applies to workers in smaller businesses and allows workers to take leave to care for the child of a domestic partner.




  • Oregon, 45 Points


    Oregon's family leave law applies to workers in smaller businesses and allows workers to take leave to care for the child of a domestic partner.




  • Washington, 45 Points


    Washington has taken the first step toward providing paid leave for new parents, and the state's unpaid family leave law allows workers to take leave to care for the child of a domestic partner. Washington also guarantees "flexible" use of sick leave to allow workers who earn sick leave through their employers to use that leave to care for an ill child or spouse.




  • Hawaii, 35 Points


    Hawaii's family leave law provides unpaid, job-protected leave to workers with less time on the job.




  • Wisconsin, 35 Points


    Wisconsin's family leave law provides unpaid, job-protected leave to workers with less time on the job.




  • Minnesota, 20 Points


    Minnesota's parental leave law provides unpaid, job-protected leave to workers in smaller businesses and those with less time on the job.




  • Vermont, 20 Points


    Vermont's family leave law provides unpaid, job-protected leave to workers in smaller businesses.




  • Maryland, 15 Points


    Maryland law guarantees "flexible" use of sick leave to allow workers who earn sick leave through their employers to use that leave to care for an ill child or spouse.




  • Rhode Island, 10 Points


    Rhode Island's family leave law provides unpaid, job-protected leave to workers with less time on the job.




  • Tennessee, 10 Points


    Tennessee's parental leave law allows new parents to take a longer period of leave than the federal FMLA provides.




  • Kentucky, 10 Points


    Kentucky allows adoptive parents in smaller businesses and with less time on the job to take leave to care for their adopted children.