Those of us who are Alzheimer's caregivers are used to seeing our loved one's abilities ebb away. My mom -- whom we often call Mummy -- was once a highly social person who always had to stay busy. Cooking and baking were her passions, and so were endless games of cards with family and friends.
However, those days are long past.
As the disease progressed, Mummy's personality and abilities changed. Much of what defined her as a person has simply disappeared. Now, my sisters and I struggle to find activities to engage Mummy, something that brings a purpose into her life.
I'd read about doll therapy for those with Alzheimer's disease. When my mom's friend died recently, that left an empty space at the table for meals and an empty place in Mummy's life. Was this the right time to try some doll therapy?
I went online to do some research. The thought is to slowly introduce a life-like baby doll into the Alzheimer's person's world. Some sites suggest leaving the doll in a neutral location and have the person discover it for him or herself, although I'm not convinced this is always necessary. Once introduced, many Alzheimer's sufferers -- especially women, but some men as well -- will enjoy rocking and cuddling the doll and may even "adopt" it as their own.
Anecdotal research has also shown that doll therapy can sometimes be calming to people who have agitation as a result of the disease.
However, I also read that not every person takes to a therapy doll, and it is best accepted by women (and some men) in the earlier stages of the disease.
Since my mom is probably in the latter stages, I wondered if she could bond with a therapy doll. Would the doll be a nuisance? Would she see it as a burden, thereby defeating the whole purpose? Was this a good idea?
I didn't know.
What I did know, is that my mom has always loved babies. With that in mind, I went online and ordered a moderately-priced doll and a few accessories.
A week later, the doll had arrived, and I had to admit she was cute and cuddly.
When I handed mom the therapy doll, I was casual. Making a big production might be overwhelming and lead her to reject it. However, from the minute she saw the doll, I could tell she was captivated. The look mom's face was one of nostalgia and love.
With watery eyes and a sweet smile, Mummy looked up at me and said, "Well, I'll be darned."
It was a tender moment.
Since then, Mummy and her doll have become nearly inseparable. The baby doesn't require anything other than affection and my mom is giving that in abundance. Mom coddles, kisses and hugs the doll. She carefully wraps and then re-wraps the baby blanket. She shows the doll to visitors -- pointing and saying, "The little girl."
Mummy and her doll are living and loving in the moment.
Baby Doll, as I call her, has reinforced something I already knew but had never put into words. The instinct to show affection is strong. We humans need love and kindness and we need to give it in return.
And, Baby Doll brings comfort. Comfort to a woman who is nearing the end of her life. Comfort to an Alzheimer's person who is almost totally dependent on others to provide for her. Comfort to a person who deep down is still a mother.
I'm not sure if Mummy realizes Baby Doll is indeed a doll. I've explained it to her, but she ignores me when I bring up the subject. Does it matter? Whatever my mom believes, Baby Doll has made a positive impact and has been more successful than I ever imagined. When I think about it, doll therapy makes perfect sense.
After all, don't we all need a sweet Baby Doll in our life?
Earlier on Huff/Post50:
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Join A Support Group
Talking with other people who face the same daily challenges can help caregivers manage stress. Specific types of support groups can vary on a community-by-community basis; check out this Caregiver.com <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.caregiver.com%2Fregionalresources%2Findex.htm">guide</a> to find the right program for you.
Join An Online Support Group
Caregivers have their hands full and may not have the time to meet with an in-person support group. In that case, <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aarp.org%2Fonline-community%2Fgroups%2Findex.action%3FslGroupKey%3DGroup92">an online support group</a> can be a great alternative. <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.manystrong.com%2F%3Futm_source%3Daarp%26amp%3Butm_medium%3Dlink%26amp%3Butm_campaign%3Dcaregiving">
Check Out A Message Board
Support groups not your thing? You can see what other people are saying about caregiving by just checking out a <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aarp.org%2Fonline-community%2Fforums.action%2Frelationships_caregiving_anyone-talk-their-parents">simple message board, such as this one sponsored by AARP.</a>.
Get Some Help
You may need to attend an event or simply seek a few hours for some much-needed rest. Eldercare.net offers a <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Farchrespite.org%2Fsearch-for-respite">Search For Respite Tool</a> or <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eldercare.gov%2FEldercare.NET%2FPublic%2FIndex.aspx">Eldercare Locator</a> where you can find professional help. Also check out this <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.caring.com%2Farticles%2Fmore-ways-to-arrange-breaks-from-caregiving">guide</a> from caring.com for more respite-care ideas.
Find An Alternative Transportation Option
Does your loved one need transportation to go buy food or go shopping? There are numerous van and shuttle services specifically for seniors. Contact your local <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.services4aging.org%2Findex.asp">Area Agency On Aging</a> for one near you.
Utilize Food Services
Don't have time to shop and cook? Consider a <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.beetnikfoods.com%2F%3Fgclid%3DCNm7hsXX27MCFQ-e4Aod3G8Axw">service</a> that will deliver gourmet meals to your home, no matter where you live. For low-income seniors in need, AssistGuide Information Services offers a <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.agis.com%2FEldercare-Basics%2FSupport-Services%2FFood-and-Meal-Services%2Fdefault.aspx%233">directory of food services available.
Tap Financial Support
During the 2009 economic downturn, 1 in 5 family caregivers said their finances were so strained that they were forced to move into the same home with their aging loved ones to reduce expenses, <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.caregiving.org%2Fdata%2FEVC_Caregivers_Economy_Report%2520FINAL_4-28-09.pdf">according to a survey by caregiving.org</a>. Some 47 percent of working caregivers indicate that an increase in caregiving expenses caused them to use up all or most of their savings. The <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.manystrong.com%2F">Many Strong Support Network</a> has a fundraising tool which allows other people to anonymously donate funds to people who are under financial strain.
Contact A Caregiving Hotline
If ever you have a question about resources, or need support at a moment's notice, AARP's caregiving support line is available at 1-877-333-5885, Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Senior care advisors for <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.care.com%2Fsenior-care-planning">Care.com</a>, also provide free counseling for caregivers, and help them map out the best course of care for their loved ones.
Join A Caregiver Co-Op
Organized caregiver co-ops can provide an affordable way to coordinate care for your loved ones. Check with local community centers or this <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.caring.com%2Flocal%2Fadult-day-care">Adult Day Care Directory</a> to see if someone in your area has already started one.
Find Housekeeping Help
Care.com's <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.care.com%2Fsenior-care-directory-find-p1071.html">Senior Care Directory</a> can set you up with a housekeeper, errand runner, pet sitter, or whatever you need to make the caregiving experience a little more manageable.
Reach Out To A Hospital Social Worker
According to author of <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FMedical-Day-Planner-Guide-Navigate%2Fdp%2F1936608774%22%26gt%3B"The Medical Day Planner"</a>, Tory Zellick, hospital social workers are a great resource for all caregivers. "[Hospital social workers] are always armed with information for your community," said Zellick.
Join A Caregiving Community
Websites like <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lotsahelpinghands.com%2F">Lotsahelpinghands</a> have caregiving communities that connect volunteers with caregivers in need of support or help.
Use Family Gatherings To Have Important Conversations
Family gatherings offer a great opportunity to discuss the future of loved one you care for, says Dr. Bruce Chernof, president and CEO of The SCAN Foundation. The group offers a guide -- "<a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thescanfoundation.org%2Fsites%2Fthescanfoundation.org%2Ffiles%2FTSF_Ten_Conversations_English.pdf">10 Conversations To Plan For Aging With Dignity And Independence</a>" -- to lay the groundwork for these critical discussions.
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