Are you in a sexless marriage?


Registered nurse and author Mary Jo Fay stopped by HuffPost Live on Tuesday to talk about what couples can do to reignite the spark.


Fay -- who wrote the book "Please Dear, Not Tonight: The Truth About Women and Sex"[1] -- told host Nancy Redd about the importance of teaching women (and their partners) about what gets them going.


"Women mostly don't have any idea about their own bodies," she said. "So if they don't know how to take care of themselves and then they don't know how to share what they want with their partner, then things go bad. And if things go bad too many times, the old headache starts coming around and that pattern just becomes a constant and you don't get it fixed."


Fay also emphasized that much of what she teaches couples is surprisingly basic (but little-known) information about the female sexuality.


"I really work with people on understanding basic things -- they're all like, 'Oh, is this tantra? Is this all this other stuff?'" she said. "And I'm like, 'No, it's basic basic stuff that we don't talk about.' G spot, where is it? I can show you how to find it. People aren't sure they have it. Basic stuff that really lights up a marriage. And if you're getting satisfaction, you're likely to come back for more."


Watch the video for more advice on how to jumpstart a sexless marriage. Then, click through the slideshow below to learn about 9 health benefits of orgasms.



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  • Keeps Your Blood Flowing


    According to Dr. Jennifer Berman, co-founder of the Female Sexual Medicine Center at UCLA, orgasms increase your circulation, keeping the blood flowing to your genital area. This in turn keeps your tissue healthy!




  • It's A Form Of Cardio


    Although it can't be considered an alternative to daily exercise, having an orgasm is a cardiovascular activity. "Your heart rate increases, blood pressure increases [and your] respiratory rate increases," says Berman. And because it's akin to running in many physiological respects, your body also releases endorphins. Sounds like a pretty fun way to work your heart out.




  • Lifts Your Mood


    Feeling down in the dumps? An orgasm might be just what you need to pick yourself up. In addition to endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin are also released during orgasm. All three of these hormones have what Berman terms "mood-enhancing effects." In fact, dopamine is the same hormone that's released when individuals use drugs such as cocaine -- or eat something really delicious.




  • Helps You Sleep


    A little pleasure may go a long way towards a good night's rest. A recent survey of 1,800 women found that over 30 percent of them used sexual release as a natural sedative.




  • Keeps Your Brain Healthy


    Having an orgasm not only works out your heart, but also your head. Barry Komisaruk, Ph.D. <a href="http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/tips-moves/orgasm-news" target="_hplink">told <em>Cosmopolitan</em></a> that orgasms actually nourish the brain with oxygen. "Functional MRI images show that women's brains utilize much more oxygen during orgasm than usual," Komisaruk says.




  • It's A Natural Painkiller


    One thing that Victorian practitioners may have been onto is that orgasms can work to soothe certain aches and pains -- namely migraines and menstrual cramps. (So now you know what to do next time you have a headache if you don't feel like popping an Excedrin.) According to Berman, the contractions that make up an orgasm can actually work to evacuate blood clots during your period, providing some temporary relief.




  • It Relieves Stress


    Most of our lives are so hectic that it's hard to even imagine being relaxed. However, it turns out that <em>sexual</em> release can double as <em>stress</em> relief. Not only do the hormones help with this task, Berman says that being sexual also gives our minds a break: "When we're stressed out and overextending ourselves, [we're] not being in the moment. Being sexual requires us to focus on one thing only."




  • Gives You A Healthy Glow


    There actually might be something to the idea that we "glow" after sex. The hormone DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), which shows <a href="http://www.ivillage.com/secret-health-benefits-sex/4-a-283856" target="_hplink">increased levels during sexual excitement</a>, can actually make your skin healthier.




  • Aids Your Emotional Health


    Last but not least, when you know what it takes to make yourself orgasm, you may increase your emotional confidence and intelligence. "When you understand how your body works and ... [that it] is capable of pleasure on its own, regardless of your partner status, you make much better decisions in relationships," says Logan Levkoff, Ph.D., a sexologist and certified sexuality educator. "You don't look to someone else to legitimize that you're a sexual being."





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