This post is part of Stress-Less Parenting Club's latest workshop.[1] Our leader Carla Naumburg[2] is showing us how we can make our family life calmer and happier through mindful parenting.


I will never forget the first time I tried to meditate. I was sitting on a hard floor in a stinky gymnasium, hoping to score an easy PE credit so I could graduate from college. A tall, thin man dressed all in white with a long, wispy beard instructed us to cross our legs, close our eyes, breathe deeply and clear our minds.


I was able to cross my legs, but it all went downhill from there.


Clear my mind? What the hell did that mean? Every time I tried to clear my mind, I realized I was just thinking about clearing my mind, which clearly isn’t the same thing. I tried thinking about black. I visualized black. But then I thought about how black isn’t my favorite color; I prefer blue but I can’t decide between sapphire or turquoise… and the next thing I knew, my mind was anything but clear. Also, my butt hurt from sitting on a hard floor, my nose itched, and I wasn’t sure if I should scratch it.


I didn’t try meditation again for almost 20 years.


Fast forward to parenthood. You know my story:[3] I was yelling too much and I wanted to find a way to stay calm through the chaos of tantrums and whining and kids not listening. I did not want to meditate. But I was desperate, and everything I read about how to be kinder and less reactive pointed to meditation. Against my better judgment (at the time), I signed up for a mindfulness-based stress reduction[4] course.


Here is what I learned about meditation:


1. You don’t have to sit cross-legged on the floor to meditate. You can sit in a chair or on a meditation cushion or bench -- or you can lie down or walk. You can be comfortable.


2. You don’t have to close your eyes.


3. You don’t have to clear your mind. Far from it.


4. Meditation isn’t about staying perfectly focused on your breath or a candle or a mantra. It’s about noticing when your mind has strayed and coming back, over and over again. Even seasoned meditators have a hard time staying focused.


5. How you feel during your meditation session is not an indication of how successful or unsuccessful it was. How you feel after you meditate is much more important.


I try to meditate for about 20 minutes at a time, several times a week. Please note, I said try. It doesn’t happen every day for me, and it certainly doesn’t have to happen every day for you. But meditation is dose dependent, meaning the more you do it, the more you will experience its benefits[5] , such as decreased stress and reactivity (i.e. you’ll be less likely to explode at your kids), improved sleep and better moods.


So, if you’re ready to give it a shot, here’s what you need to do:


Sit down and breathe.


Here’s how:


Find a comfortable sitting position,[6] either on a chair or on a cushion. If you’re in a chair, sit with both feet on the floor. You can also lie down, and if you find yourself falling asleep, enjoy the nap. Next time, try keeping your eyes open.


Take a few deep breaths to start, and then let your breathing steady out to however your body wants to breathe. You don’t have to breathe slowly or deeply, just breathe normally. Pay attention to your breath, either at your nostrils or at your belly. You can say quietly “in, out, in, out” with each breath, or you can count your breaths, and when you get to 10, start again at one.


When your mind wanders, as it will after about three seconds, just gently go back to your breathing. Try not to get frustrated with yourself; your mind is just doing what it is used to doing -- thinking! Just notice your thoughts, whatever they are, let them go, and go back to your breath. And then do it again, and again.


If 20 minutes seems like a long time, try 10. Or two. Any amount of time is better than none. You can use a kitchen timer, a digital watch or any one of the apps listed below to help you.


THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE

1. Keep going with the challenges from the previous weeks: try to notice when you’re physically but not mentally present[7] with your children, and find times each day to practice mindfulness[8] .


2. Try meditating! My favorite meditation apps for iPhone and Android are the Insight Timer[9] , Buddhify[10] and HeadSpace.[11] There are a lot of options, so do a little exploring to find one you like.



If you have questions about meditation (or anything else!), tweet me at @SWMama[12] or post a question on my Facebook page[13] . Join me next week for tips on teaching mindfulness to our children.


Haven't joined our Stress-Less Parenting Club yet? Go to the purple box on the right side of this page to sign up and receive our weekly newsletter.



Also on HuffPost:




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  • The Goal Is Space, Not Silence


    The late Swami Satchidananda, renowned for opening the Woodstock festival with his chanting, directed meditators to aim "see what is happening within you.

    "Become a witness ... be still and watch what is happening in your mind and in your body."

    Note that he didn't say, "shut your crazy mind up"-- because that's impossible. Meditation is about observing your thoughts, not about making them stop (although it's possible to slow them).

    When you can view those thoughts as separate from yourself (in your sitting meditation and, ultimately, throughout your day), you will inevitably be less storm-tossed by them.




  • Adore Sounds That Aren't Silent


    After floundering during the start of that wobbly meditation, I finally got grounded by focusing on the noise and smells around me.

    Meditation teachers typically suggest finding a quiet place to sit, but the reality is even an-out-of-the-way corner is a whirlwind of ticking clocks, purring refrigerators, noisy neighbors, and yes, honking cars.

    Rather than try to fight them, I find it better to use these sounds to focus. The key is to hone in on the tones and vibrations -- in other words, to experience listening -- rather than to mentally ponder their source or meaning.




  • Showing Up Is Half The Victory


    A meditation teacher once told me never to stop before my pre-determined schedule. "If you were planning to meditate 20 minutes, don't get up after 10," she admonished.

    You're trying to teach your mind that it doesn't always run the show. Letting it run your meditation time-clock is not a good way to impart this lesson.

    Nonetheless, if those 20 minutes prove agonizing, it's okay to plan for 10 the next time around.




  • You Won't Always Linger In The 'Gap'


    Deepak Chopra uses this term to describe the space of bliss and stillness that we think of as meditation. But you can have a wonderful session without staying there.

    Consider your practice a success if you notice even once that there is space between your thoughts or mantra; this is the place where pure consciousness resides, and just seeing that it's there is sufficient.




  • Treasure Your Effort


    If you judge yourself because your meditation isn't going the way you had planned, you are separating yourself from the higher, spiritual self that adores you.

    This is ironic, since connecting with that essence is the reason you're meditating in the first place.

    In its description of meditation, the University of Rochester Counseling Center recommends bringing "as much patience into the process as possible." Your higher self agrees, no doubt.




  • Watch For Spillover Into Your Life


    Ultimately, the goal of a successful practice is not what happens on the cushion (or chair -- no law says that just because the ancient Hindus sat on the floor, you have to).

    The real purpose of meditation is to influence that other parts of our life, allowing -- through the increasing ability to separate ourselves from our rambling thoughts -- a flow of serenity and connection.

    If you notice that peace filtering into any part of your day, consider your meditation a triumph.