It may seem that romance is the only necessary ingredient for a healthy marriage, but Mara Kofoed learned firsthand that it's not so simple.


A love connection is the foundation of a long-lasting union, but couples need more building blocks to succeed. Kofoed and her husband joined HuffPost Live's Nancy Redd[1] for a conversation with Lori Gottlieb, author of "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough," about learning that lesson the hard way.


"I got married the first time at age 25, and I thought it was all about love," Kofoed said. "I thought love -- just romantic kind of love and chemistry -- I thought that was the ultimate connection that could carry you through any problems and trials."


But she found herself divorced and looking for a new spouse in her early 30s, and by then she said she had "a very different view" about what she needed in her partner.


Her current husband, Danny Kofoed, said that when they were dating, they discussed the two or three most important, non-negotiable things they needed in the relationship. For him, it was all about keeping the marriage as great in times of unhappiness as it was in times of joy.


"I wanted to know I was going to be with somebody who knew how to handle the ups and downs, knew how to handle my ups and downs, and was going to have enough self-worth on her own that she would be able to support me and I her whenever we weren't at our best," he said.


Once they managed their expectations and communicated clearly, the relationship was fantastic -- so fantastic, in fact, that the couple teamed up to write A Blog About Love[2] .


Watch the clip above to hear more about changing your relationship expectations (and check out the full segment here[3] ), then click the slideshow below see the lessons celebrities learned from their divorces.



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  • Kim Kardashian


    In October 2011, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from her <a href="http://www.people.com/people/kim_kardashian/biography/0,,,00.html">second husband</a> Kris Humpheries, <a href="http://news-briefs.ew.com/2011/10/31/kim-kardashian-divorce/">whom she was married to for just 72 days.</a> In the<a href="http://www.instyle.co.uk/news/kim-kardashian-covers-instyles-august-issue-05-07-12"> August 2012 issue of <em>InStyle</em> UK</a>, Kardashian talked about how she's changed since the split.

    "I've always been the type to fall in love fast and, with every boyfriend, I plan out my wedding in my head," she told the magazine. "It's taught me to take things slow . . . Anyone would want to move on and take the lesson learnt from it. I loved this person, it just wasn't the right situation for me. I try to hold my head up high and live my life."




  • Tiger Woods


    In August 2010, Tiger Woods <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20414961,00.html">finalized his divorce</a> from Elin Nordegren -- his wife of <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,710377,00.html">almost six years</a>. The pair split in the wake of the golfer's very public <a href="http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2009/12/the-women-of-tiger-woods-full-list--pictures/">cheating scandal</a>.

    At a <a href="http://articles.nydailynews.com/2010-08-25/sports/27073758_1_elin-nordegren-swing-coach-tiger-woods">2010 press conference</a> just days after his divorce was finalized, Woods refuted the assumption that this had been a wasted year for him. "A lost year? I don't look at it like that," he said. "Every year you have to find the positives. Even though there are a lot of negatives, I think that's actually a good thing. I learned a lot about myself and how I could become a better person."




  • Olivia Wilde


    After <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/04/olivia-wilde-divorce_n_994578.html">eight years of marriage</a>, "Tron: Legacy" actress Olivia Wilde <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2011/03/11/olivia-wilde-tao-ruspoli-filed-for-divorce-divorced/">filed for divorce</a> from her husband Tao Ruspoli -- <a href="http://www.wmagazine.com/society/2009/04/tao_ruspoli">a filmmaker and Italian prince</a> -- in March 2011. In an <a href="http://www.marieclaire.com/celebrity-lifestyle/celebrities/olivia-wilde-interview">interview for the August 2011 issue of <em>Marie Claire</em></a>, the actress opened up about what she took away from the difficult experience. "I kept saying, 'I failed!'" she said. "Admitting that I'm not perfect was a wonderful thing that came out of this. There's this fear that everyone is going to be disappointed in you, but I'm human. I don't live up to any sort of ideal."




  • Jennifer Lopez


    Jennifer Lopez <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20510616,00.html">split with husband Marc Anthony</a> in July 2011 after seven years of marriage. Anthony <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2012/04/11/marc-anthony-files-for-divorce-from-jennifer-lopez/">filed for divorce</a> from the former "American Idol" judge in April 2012.

    In the <a href="http://www.glamour.com/fashion/blogs/slaves-to-fashion/2011/10/sneak-preview-of-jennifer-lope.html#ixzz1c6L18jGG">December 2011 issue of <em>Glamour</em></a>, Lopez shared what she took away from her <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-14171436">third divorce</a>. "I think I've finally learned the biggest lesson of all," she said in the interview. "You've got to love yourself first. You've got to be OK on your own before you can be OK with somebody else. You've got to value yourself and know that you're worth everything. And until you value yourself enough and love yourself enough to know that, you can't really have a healthy relationship."




  • Louis C.K.


    Comedian Louis C.K. <a href="http://www.gq.com/entertainment/movies-and-tv/201108/louis-ck-interview-gq-august-2011?currentPage=1">split with his wife</a> -- painter Alix Bailey -- <a href="http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/louis-ck-5-things-you-dont-know-2012219">in 2008</a> after four years of marriage.

    In a <a href="http://www.npr.org/2011/07/08/137183074/comedian-louis-c-k-laughs-through-difficulties">July 2010 NPR interview</a>, C.K. discussed the changes he went through and the lessons he learned post-split. "When I got divorced, I thought 'Well, there goes my act,'" he said. "I've been talking about being married for so long -- and I also thought being a dad was part of being married. And then I got divorced and everything changed, and I became a father in a whole new way and found a whole new set of difficulties."




  • Jennifer Aniston


    Jennifer Aniston <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1112350,00.html">finalized her divorce</a> from Brad Pitt in October 2005.

    In a <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1132250,00.html">2005 interview with <em>GQ</em> magazine</a>, Aniston said of her split: "I'm not defined by this relationship. I wasn't when I was in it, and I don't want to be in the aftermath of it. And that's really important to me. Let's let everybody move on and live their lives, and hopefully everybody will be really happy."




  • Reese Witherspoon


    Reese Witherspoon <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2006/11/08/reese-files-divorce-petition/">filed for divorce</a> from husband of seven years, Ryan Phillippe, in November 2006.

    In a <a href="http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2010/12/reese-witherspoon-hot-happy-and-having-a-blast">January 2011 <em>Glamour </em>magazine</a> interview, Witherspoon opened up about the importance of learning from her relationship mistakes. "I always say that it's very important not to blame one person," she said. "You have to own whatever part of it you're responsible for. It takes a lot of soul-searching. It's important to go through that, because hopefully you won't repeat yourself."