It seems like common sense that sex in porn doesn't mirror what men and women do in their own, non-commercialized bedrooms. But this point gets really driven home in "Porn Sex vs Real Sex: The Differences Explained With Food,[1] " a video which shatters the illusion the porn is anything like real sex by going back to basics: fruit metaphors.


Inspired by the video, HuffPost Live spoke to women working in the porn industry, and asked them to share what they believe the difference between porn sex and real sex is.


Jincey Lumpkin, Esq.[2] , Chief Sexy Officer of Juicy Pink Box, noted that porn involves, "posturing for the camera," "flattering" angles and "cutting together of the scenes" -- all of which, if reenacted by normal people, can "take away sometimes from the pleasure and enjoyment aspect" of their sexual experiences.


Nina Hartley, an adult film actress, agreed, emphasizing the performative aspect of porn. She told HuffPost Live host Caitlyn Becker:


Pornography is a paid, professional performance by actors. It is a fantasy, it is not meant to be a rulebook and guidebook or a how to as a general rule. And it goes to show how poor our sex education is in this country that people are reduced to looking at an entertainment medium for information about the body.

Both the "Porn Sex vs. Real Sex" video, and HuffPost Live's conversations with Lumpkin and Hartley, contribute to a greater dialogue about porn as a sometimes unrealistic fantasy. The more we discuss these subjects, the more women and men alike will hopefully realize that they don't have to force themselves to emulate what they see in porn films. Fantasy is great, but the reality of sex based on one's own desires -- and separate from the pressure to look or act a certain way -- can be even better.



Also on HuffPost:




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  • 1. Don't Talk Yourself Out Of What You Need


    It's too easy for us women to convince ourselves to settle for less. We're so helpful and accommodating, so eager to please and afraid of rejection that we're quick to give up the things we need, including when it comes to sex.

    What we need to see is that doing this will leave us chronically frustrated. While it's true that every relationship requires a certain amount of compromise, going without the things that we really need just doesn't work. We'll end up unhappy in the relationship or resentful toward our partner.

    The bottom line is, we need to know what we can't live without, sexually, and what we just can't live with. We ignore these non-negotiables at the expense of a fulfilling sex life.




  • 2. Share Your Needs And Feelings With Your Partner


    If you can't ask them for what you want in bed, you shouldn't be sleeping with them. Good sex happens when we feel safe and at ease. If we're afraid to ask for something or to tell our partner that we don't like something, sex will never be more than mediocre.

    This second tip follows from the first one, in that once we identify what we want and don't want, we have to express these things clearly. It's unfair to expect our partner to be a mind-reader and "prove" that they care by somehow knowing what we want without our having to tell them. Healthy sex comes out of healthy communication.




  • 3. Accept Your Body As It Is Now


    We need to be in touch with our bodies; with what feels good, what feels not so good and what feels wrong. We also really need to stop judging ourselves in terms of our weight and our shape. Only a superficial dope would give us a hard time over our imperfections. If someone makes us feel bad about our physical selves, this is more a reflection of his inadequacies than of our own.

    Our negative self-talk has to stop. The running commentary on how fat we are, how much cellulite or how many wrinkles we have is guaranteed to kill the mood, often before it even starts. Feeling good about our bodies is crucial if we're going to let go and enjoy ourselves. Being physically self-conscious will keep us from experiencing the joyful abandon of great sex.




  • 4. Never Refuse Sex As A Punishment Or Use It As A Reward


    In the bad old days, some women were led to believe that the way to get a man to toe the line is to offer sex for good behavior or withhold it when the man has displeased them. Most of us today recognize this as hateful behaviour and a recipe for disaster.

    Men don't want to be controlled or punished, especially around sex. They don't want to be made to feel like little boys. When we're hurt or angry at our partner, we need to share our feelings with him in an adult way. We can even say that we're too upset for sex, right now. What we mustn't ever do is make him feel like we're deciding when he gets to have sex, based on whether he's been "good" or "bad."

    On the other hand, using sex as a reward turns us into sex objects and makes sex into a commodity for our partner to "earn." It's no longer two people being intimate or enjoying each other. Commodifying sex makes it into a business transaction and our bodies then become objects for trade.




  • 5. No Pets In The Room


    We might love Fluffy or Rover, but they don't belong in the bedroom when we're being intimate. Our pets are very territorial and could get jealous or want to play, too. Dogs might bark or even growl. Cats might jump onto the bed and start walking around. We can avoid these disasters by remembering to shut the door and leave our four-legged friends outside.




  • 6. Have A Sense Of Humor


    Sex is about connection and intimacy, but also it's about having fun. It can be mind-blowingly great or occasionally, things can go wrong. Having a good sense of humor about sex will keep things in perspective.

    Being able to laugh at ourselves and at the comical aspects of sex will take the pressure off the whole experience. We might love and adore our partner, but we don't have to be so serious about making love to them. Humour relieves pressure and is a great way to connect.




  • 7. Enjoy The Give And Take


    The best sex is the kind in which each person is trying to please the other one. The sharing in sex is one of the things that make it great. It can be technically amazing, but when one person gets the impression that the other person really isn't there with them, it can ruin the whole experience.

    What makes someone a fantastic lover is not their technical ability or their repertoire of moves but their attentiveness and their efforts to make their partner happy. When both people show that they really care about meeting their partner's needs, sex becomes something wonderful.