Judie Rappaport: Daughter should seek caregivers with experience with ... - TCPalm

Dear Judie:

When my Alzheimer’s Dad (88) met his new caregiver, he became agitated and aggressive. I assumed he was angry because she was new. I got frustrated, shouted at Dad and the whole situation collapsed: the caregiver left, the agency refused to send another candidate into a “hostile environment.” Fortunately, I realized my mistake: Dad’s previous caregiver was soft-spoken and calm. The new aide was too aggressive: she took over, wouldn’t take Dad’s “no” for an answer, spoke very loudly, and her body movement was too enthusiastic/hyper for Dad. When I chose another caregiver, I asked her to spend an afternoon with Dad. She was calm and soothing. He reacted very favorably to her and we’ve got a good relationship going.

Francine, Vero

Dear Francine:

Your story resonates with all caregivers. Alzheimer’s does not prevent your parent from sensing fear, hostility, tension or negative feelings in others. In effect, Dad became anxious and afraid without knowing why. He recognized the aggression and lack of patience in the new aide but couldn’t verbalize his feelings. His survival instinct took over and he acted out feelings. His fear emanates from the body language and actions of the person he’s with.

Examples:

Physical displays, body movements, actions: excited hand gestures while talking, slamming doors, phone, eyes showing negative emotions

Posture: hunched fists clasped, lips taut, body or voice tense

Speech: clipped and terse, loud voice, hissed words

Attitude: Acting hurried or ignoring the patient’s wishes without listening or offering kind words and gentle persuasion to dress, eat, sit, get out of bed, get in the car, etc.

Reactions to people who aren’t skilled in helping Alzheimer’s patients may range from tears to striking out at you or the other person — all communication will be destroyed and you won’t accomplish your task. The stronger the feelings of fear, the more extreme your parent’s reaction will be.

To help avoid future pain for you and Dad, ask these experts for referrals to professionals who are experienced assisting Alzheimer’s patients: Alzheimer’s Community Care 772-223-6351 (Martin772-223-6351/St. Lucie- 772-460-9166; Fort Pierce- 772 466-3261); the Alzheimer’s Association (800-272-3900), or Alzheimer’s/Parkinson’s Association (Vero 772-563-0505).

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