Seriously, could women be an ickier? We've got hair in places we shouldn't, we smell, our thighs are dimpled -- HOW DO ANY OF US EVEN DEAL? Fortunately, manufacturers are on it, making all manner of potions and products to mitigate the ick just wafting off women and into the universe.


We kid, of course. Women are beautiful, and when you stop to really think about it, everything our bodies do -- scents, hair and all -- is just cause for unabashed wonder and awe. The female body is incredible, full stop.


But alas, not everyone got the memo. Here, in no particular order, are six of the most absurd (and occasionally dangerous) products out there designed to make us ladies less "gross." Get it together, makers of every item on this list. Signed, all women, everywhere.



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  • #1: Vaginal Douches


    Here's the thing: In addition to having the power to usher actual human beings into the world, vaginas also have their own distinct scent. "A healthy vagina will usually have some sort of smell, but the scent may vary day-to-day depending on how active you are," <a href="http://www.cosmopolitan.com/advice/health/vaginal-odor#slide-1" target="_blank">Cosmopolitan explains.</a> Vaginal douches are generally marketed to women as means of reducing that perfectly healthy and natural odor, fueling totally unnecessary insecurities. Added bonus: They're not safe! "Repetitive douching disrupts the normal organisms that reside in the vagina and can actually increase your risk of vaginal infection," explains the Mayo Clinic. In other words, douching puts women at risk for certain infections that can actually lead to unwanted odors and discharge. Just say no.




  • #2: Anti-Cellulite Products


    The manufacturers of anti-cellulite devices and creams have made millions upon millions of dollars convincing women they hold <em>the</em> secret to getting rid of dimpled skin on the backs of women's thighs. But as Dr. Molly Wanner, a professor of dermatology at Harvard Medical School who wrote a 2008 review of the existing options <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/25/fashion/25skinintro.html?ref=style" target="_blank">told The New York Times</a>: "There is no outstanding treatment for cellulite." So let's all agree not to buy into the idea that there's anything wrong with some uneven skin and, therefore, agree to stop spending money on products that are backed by very little evidence. Or, if your cellulite really rankles you, remember that "weight loss -- through healthy diet and regular exercise -- is probably the most beneficial cellulite treatment," <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/cellulite/DS00891/DSECTION=treatments-and-drugs" target="_blank">the Mayo Clinic says</a>.




  • #3: Pubic Hair Dye


    Yes, it's a thing. And no, we can't even begin to wrap our heads around this one. Though manufacturers say pubic hair dyes are designed to be safe and can help with pressing questions about identity ("Are you a true blonde? Of course you are!" says pubic hair dye maker <a href="http://www.bettybeauty.com/" target="_blank">Betty's website</a>) the bigger question is ... huh? Or, as <a href="http://www.oprah.com/style/Brown-Betty-We-Tried-It-So-You-Dont-Have-To#ixzz2Xv2UH73Y" target="_blank">O Magazine put it,</a>"Who cares if the drapes don't match the rug (or whatever)? Who cares if you're going gray?"




  • #4: The Camel Toe Guard


    Yes, this too, is a thing that exists. The <a href="http://cuchini.com/" target="_blank">Cuchini</a>, an adhesive pad you place in the front of your underwear, solves a total non-problem -- the abject horror that supposedly ensues when your spandex or jeans creep up and give you camel toe, thereby blinding every human being who looks upon your groin for the rest of his or her days.




  • #5: Scented Pads And Tampons


    Yes, most women have a "menstrual scent" as Livestrong puts it, but once again it is, in most cases, perfectly natural and can be easily managed with basic hygiene, i.e., showering regularly and changing your feminine product. <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vaginitis/DS00255" target="_blank">According to the Mayo Clinic</a>, scented pads and tampons are yet more products that can lead to infections, like vaginitis (which can lead to itching, discharge and pain), because they're potential irritants.




  • #6: "Poo-Pourri"


    As the famous book tells us, "Everybody Poops," but going to the bathroom apparently causes grown women all kinds of agida. (To wit: <a href="http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/04/lean-in-and-poop-in-the-office-already.html" target="_blank">The Cut's awesome battle-cry</a> urging women to "Lean in and poop at the office already.") Poo-pourri takes those "bathroom fears" and runs with them. The secret to a good relationship? <a href="http://poopourri.com/" target="_blank">Leaving the bathroom</a> smelling better than you found it. Which, we suppose, means that the rest of us who think it's perfectly ok to go, flush and not give it a second thought are what, exactly? Condemned to a life of eternal spinsterhood?